So I’ve had some time to sit and think about life a bit.. think about some of the big questions.
“What’s really important?”
“What am I doing with my life?”
“What should I do when I don’t have all the answers or even don’t know what I’m doing?”
In the midst of the “I don’t know” of it all, it’s all starting to make some sense.
Glenn and I just finished watching The Office today. We’ve been watching it pretty regularly on Netflix. I really didn’t like the show at first. It was too outlandish and unrealistic, and over time I had to come to terms of accepting that life doesn’t have to fit the rigid molds I think it should. It can be freer, easier, sillier, and make less sense.
We watched the finale tonight and it was so great seeing all 9 seasons (years) wrapped up. You see people change over time, the development and unfolding of their lives, and there’s a mix of saying goodbye to something good while also knowing that life doesn’t end.. You simply say hello to the next good thing.
My dad passed away some 4 months ago now. The photos and memories that mean the most to me are the everyday ordinary things. We normally take photos for things like holidays, trips, family gettogethers and so on, but the things that matter the very most are the ordinary moments of life. Having dinner as a family, all of us having dinner together, the look on his face as he thinks, him sitting at his desk and me walking by or sitting down with him to talk.
The ordinary stuff is so special in life, and yet we think we gotta go have all these amazing experiences to make life memorable.
We moved to a new apartment just a few days ago. We signed a 6 month lease on a condo here and so it’ll end right when my car lease is done. My passport’s about to expire so I’ve got everything ready to renew it. In the meantime, I’ve been getting rid of the vast majority of my stuff. People from craigslist keep stopping by to take things I’m selling or giving away. I’m selling stuff on eBay, on forums I frequent, am recycling and throwing out lots of unneeded stuff, donating things, and so on. It’s amazing how great it feels to lighten the load and let go of unneeded stuff.
Moving forward when I don’t know exactly what to do next, part of me feels like I’m going through a sort of mid-life crisis. By that I mean, “Hey, I don’t know what to do, so why don’t I relive an earlier time in my life when things felt great? That worked then so let’s do it again.”
That’s the fear in the back of my mind. It’s not so much that. Life is a dynamic thing. Sometimes you’re hungry and sometimes you’re full. Sometimes you want to travel and sometimes you want to stay put and chill. Sometimes you wanna gogogo and sometimes you wanna kick your feet up and have some more stability.
I honestly don’t know the end of the game turns out and a lot of the stuff that I’m “supposed” to do feels like bullshit.
Things like make a living, settle down somewhere, start a family, etc… They’re all wonderful things, but we shouldn’t be obligated to follow the mold. It’s about doing what feels right to you.
Serve the world, but do it while feeling good and enjoying the journey.
Make plenty of money, and do it in a way that resonates with your heart and soul.
Appreciate life and all it has to offer, everything from the extraordinary to the ordinary. It’s all a gift. Seriously.
Don’t worry about stuff so much. Just live life. Most of the stuff that you’ve done or will do doesn’t really matter. It affects people and touches people’s hearts, definitely, and at the same time stuff isn’t as big of a deal for us to get right or accomplish. Life is an opportunity for us to really live it, if for no other reason than the joy of living.
I want my life to be part of something bigger than myself. I like writing and sharing this stuff with you guys and I hope it inspires you too. While I do it, it has to be something I enjoy for my own reasons too. This blogging experience is part of my own joy, no matter how others take it.
All I really know is the next step. I know, right now, what feels good in my body. Goals give you direction and an idea of how to structure your life now, but even future plans are there to help you live your life now.
Whether we “know” what we’re doing or we have no idea right now, life is meant to be lived fully, to be appreciated and savored. When we Love, things feel right. Without this, nothing else would feel meaningful or satisfying. With this, life works much better. Now I’m curious to see where this’ll take me/us.
I love you.